#and i would wear skater shoes like it looked so funny. my long and skinny legs and then big ass shoes i was like a grasshoper LMFAOOO

[ashmp3]

when i was 12-13yo i was #swaggy as fuck and i wish i was normal and liked getting my pictures taken to show u guys so we can all giggle about it. But i remember my summer uniform used to be like the shortest volleyball shorts + oversized t-shirt and i always looked like i wasnt wearing pants. why did my parents not gaf i was always half naked for no reason

[agirldying]

one of my boyfriend's cousins looks so much like my abuser it's honestly triggering but i tried to just act like everything was fine bc. it's thanksgiving, like.

it's the hair (same color and style) and literally the exact same kind of outfit he would wear (flannel buttoned up over a graphic tee with skinny jeans and skater shoes). especially when this guy turns around it's easily indistinguishable. god my heart was pounding.

i was like, this is like the dreams i have that my abuser's in where he's just in the room and i can't even look at him because it's too triggering even though he's sitting right next to me etc. another thought as well which is kinda hard to explain is that sometimes my dreams can almost serve as exomemories (like they add to the overall trauma + my abuser has by consequence also done these things to me by me living though recurring nightmares involving him + anxieties about lack of evidence metastasizing into dreams where my brain just generates photos and videos that never existed).

so i was thinking like, what if this was a dream and it really was my abuser and i couldn't bear to look at him and can only see him though my periphery (which honestly makes the whole "your cousin looks like my abuser" worse because I CANNOT STARE AT HIM LONG ENOUGH TO CONVINCE MYSELF IT'S NOT REALLY MY ABUSER WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A CREEP). also like HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO SOMEONE.

the thing is that anytime i've ever encountered someone who looks like my abuser, my eyes will then be GLUED to that person, studying the detail and juxtaposing it with my abuser's characteristics or just straight up triggering myself, intentionally or not. so actor michael pitt for example, the first time i saw him + when I saw him in Funny Games I was STARING at the screen. it's kinda sad to watch myself do this.

like what is someone supposed to do if you're like "sorry you just resemble someone very personal to me i just need to register that you're not them". you just don't even mention it. it's honestly hard cause you'd think like, if you're being triggered by someone and you can't ask them to leave then leave. but i can't just fucking leave because it's thanksgiving, i'm trying to bond with the inlaws. so now i'm just sititng there trying to convince myself that this is exposure therapy and remind myself that he looks like my abuser + i am safe and both can coexist.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Eleven

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(This was a tough part to write. TW: mention of past abuse)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten

Masterpost

Friday night rolls around, Sarah comes over to get ready together at your place after work. You both opt for skinny jeans, something easy to slip into a skate. You find a couple of pairs of thin gloves. Sarah wears a large purple sweater with a chunky scarf. You wear a tight black sweater and a black beanie. Your hair is down and wavy.

“You look so cute!” Sarah says, finishing up her makeup.

“Thanks, so do you.” You smile at her.

“So we’re skating then going to dinner?”

“Yup, I think that’s the plan. Ready for me to order the uber?”

“Yup!”

You meet the boys at the ice rink. Mid-October was still warm enough outside that you didn’t need a jacket, but cold enough to start ice skating at night. You used to come to this rink with your friends when you were in college. You immediately spot the boys. Harry has a long sleeve green shirt on, and his classic black jeans. Only these ones don’t have rips in them yet, must be his new ones. He has a black beanie on as well. Niall is wearing a p-coat and some gloves. You and Sarah walk over to them, both of you hugging your men. You get on your tip toes to give Harry a kiss.

“You look so cute.” He says poking your hat. You swat an arm at him.

“Did you guys get your skates yet?” You ask.

“Nope, we were waitin’ for you ladies.” Niall says.

The four of you go over to the skate counter, giving the woman your sizes. She tells you that you all can leave your shoes with her when you’re done changing. You all find a bench to sit down at.

“I always struggle lacing these up.” You say, struggling to pull the laces tighter. Harry chuckles and kneels in front of you. He laces up your skates for you, and you blush. “Thank you.” He winks at you, and goes to bring your shoes up to the woman. Niall also helps Sarah lace up her skates, and takes her hand to help her up. You’ve never seen Niall on a real date, this will be fun.

The four of you get on the ice. You’re surprised Harry is actually a pretty decent skater, considering he hates dancing so much. He takes your hand, and you take a lap around the rink to get your bearings. Niall and Sarah stay back a bit and take it slow on the ice. Sarah isn’t the most coordinated, but she was laughing, and that’s all that mattered. Harry twirls you around a couple of times, and you can’t but laugh as well.

“I’m surprised by you.”

“Why?”

“You’re so good at skating, Harry.”

“You’re not too bad yourself.”

“I used to come here all the time when I was in school.” He takes your hand as you both continue to glide effortlessly on the ice. You look over and see Sarah on her butt. She’s laughing so hard she’s crying, and Niall is trying to help her up, but he’s also laughing. “I’m so glad they’re having fun.”

“Me too. They’re good for each other, yeah?”

“Oh for sure. Sarah came over to get ready with me beforehand, and she went on and on about how great he is, as if I didn’t already know. It seems like she and I snagged the two best guys in the city.” You skate near the barrier, and lean against it. You pull him close to you.

“And it would appear I scooped up the most amazing girl there is.” He leans in and kisses you. You stand there for a few moments, enjoying small kisses, as your cold noses brush past each other.

Niall finally helps Sarah up, and drops her again. His eyes are wide, looking at someone skating on the other side of the rink.

“Niall, everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just, that guy over there, he looks really familiar. Oh no.” He looks at the man then back at you. But you’re preoccupied with Harry, so you don’t notice anything. The man is skating with a woman, they appear to be having a good time. “Shit, Sarah, we gotta make sure (y/n) doesn’t see that guy.”

“What? Why?”

“That’s Jake.” Niall points in his direction.

“Fuck, you’re right it is.” She looks over at you.

Her heart could break for you as you detach from Harry, and continue skating. You notice them looking at you, and skate over to them.

“Are you guys alright, you’re giving me a weird look.” Harry is right next to you, still holding your hand.

“Um, yeah, we were just wondering when we should go eat.”

“We like just started skating.” Harry says, not picking up on Niall’s signal.

“No, we know, we were just discussing when we should leave. That’s all.” Niall says. Sarah has her eyes glue on Jake. She has lost all the color in her face.

“Sarah, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

Before she can answer, you feel a woman bump into you. You turn to see her just about to lose her balance before a man catches her. She apologizes to you, but before you can say anything, you lock eyes with the blue-eyed man, and your heart nearly stops.

He gives you a funny look, like he knows who you are, but he can’t place it. Everything happens so fast, you don’t remember rushing through everyone, and yanking your skates off. You can barely breathe, and run in your socks to the bathroom. You throw up immediately, and rip your beanie off. Sweat runs down your face, you stay there until nothing comes up until you’re dry heaving.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to set her off, I only nudged her.” The woman says. Sarah has gone off to look for you. Harry gives Niall a confused look.

“S’not about you, he set her off.” Harry’s eyes grow wide when he puts two and two together.

“Sorry, do I know you?” Jake says.

“No, but I know you. Miss, I don’t know you, but I would strongly recommend getting away from this man. He’s not a good person.”

“Dude, I don’t know who you are, but I think my fiancé would know me pretty well.”

“Honey, what are they talking about?”

“I have no idea.”

“You don’t remember that girl that just ran off at the sight of you?” Harry grabs Jake by the collar. “You ruined her life about a year ago, you don’t remember?”

“Harry, c’mon, this sick fuck isn’t worth it. Hope you two enjoy the conversation you’re bound to have this evening.”

Harry lets go of Jake, and nearly throws him to the ground with the force he gives off. Him and Niall rush to find you. Sarah grabbed your shoes from the woman, and the boys get their shoes as well.

“I can’t find her anywhere, the woman said she practically threw her skates at her. Do you think she went to the bathroom?”

“In her socks?” Niall asks.

“She obviously was in a rush, let’s go check.” Harry says, pushing through the crowd of people.

You’re shivering, sitting on the bathroom floor, hoping you don’t dry heave again. Your face is plastered in tears and sweat. You hear your name being called, but you can’t find your voice to speak up.

“Sir, you can’t go in there!”

“Fuck off!” You hear Harry’s voice, but you can’t call to him. He walks right by you at first, then back tracks. He drops to his knees when he realizes it’s you. “Oh my god, (y/n), I’m so sorry.”

He pulls you close to his chest, and you cry hard into him. Sarah and Niall come rushing in, and go to their knees too. Niall rubs your back while Harry hold you.

“Mate, can you go get the car started, she’s freezing we gotta get her outta here. Sarah can I have her shoes please?” They both nod at Harry. Once he gets your shoes on, he scoops you up, and carries you out.

Neither of you care how it looks. You keep your face hidden in his chest while he carries you out to Niall’s car. Harry sits in the back with you, keeping you close to him.

“Just bring us to my place, lad, I’ll make sure she’s alright.”

“We’re going in with you, Harry.” Sarah says. “She’s my friend too. God, I could punch that guy in the face.”

“Harry almost did.” Niall says. You stay quiet, trying desperately to stop shaking and still your breathing.

Harry carries you up to his apartment, with Niall and Sarah right behind. He puts you down on the couch, and yanks your shoes and wet socks off. He runs over to his dresser and pulls out a pair of thick socks, and puts them on your feet. Sarah sits next to you, Niall kneels in front of you, and Harry sits on your other side.

“Talk to us (y/n).” Niall says. “What can we do?” You take your phone out, and hand it to Niall. “Right.” He takes it and goes into Harry’s bathroom. A few minutes later, he comes back and hands you the phone. “You can see her tomorrow morning.”

“See who?” Harry asks.

“Her therapist.” Harry looks at you, and wipes his eyes. He’s been fighting back tears, but he can’t anymore.

“I’m gonna make you a cup of tea.” He gets up, and Niall follows. “Did you know he lives in the area?”

“Honestly, no. She never mentioned running into him, so I figured he wasn’t from around here. This absolutely fucking sucks.”

“I’m glad you were here. I wouldn’t have known to call her therapist.” He plugs in his electric kettle, and waits for the water to boil. He wipes his eyes again.

“Harry, (y/n) and I have been through a lot together. It’s okay that you don’t know everything about her. You’re here for her, and that’s all that matters. I think she should stay with you tonight, maybe you could bring her to her appointment in the morning.”

“Of course. What time?”

“Eight-thirty.”

“I’m on it.” He grabs a tea bag, and rests it in a mug, adding the hot water. The boys walks back over to you.

“I think she could use a shower or something.” Sarah says looking up at them.

“(y/n), we’re going to leave you with Harry so you can relax and get some sleep. If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.” Sarah nods to Niall, and she gets up.

“Take good care of our girl.” She says before she leaves. Harry sets the tea down on the coffee table.

“Right, let me draw you a bath.” You grab his wrist.

“I’ll shower.” You get up, walk past him to the bathroom, and close the door behind you.

You take the elastic around your wrist, and put your hair up in a bun on top of your head. Tears continue to stream down your cheeks as you turn the water on. You stand in the hot water for ten minutes before getting out. You could kill Jake. You made so much progress, and just like that you’re brought back to that dark hole in your mind. You wrap a towel around yourself. When you open the door you see a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. You sigh and put both on. Harry is pacing across the living area when you walk into his view.

“All set?” You nod in his direction. “Don’t feel like you need to talk. Your appointment is at eight-thirty tomorrow morning. I’m going to take you. We can leave as early as you want. I don’t know if you want to go to your place first. Whatever you want to do is fine.” You walk over to him. You can’t bring yourself to smile, but you wrap your arms around him. He’s afraid to touch you at first, but he lightly hugs you.

���Can we go to bed?” You say through a cracked voice.

“Yes, of course.” You slowly walk over to his bed, and climb in. “Do you want me to hold you, or not touch you. Either is fine.”

“Please, hold me Harry.”

You turn from him, and he wraps himself around you, pulling you slightly to his chest.

The next morning you hear an alarm go off, it’s seven. Harry rustles out of bed, and you hear his coffee pot begin to brew. You don’t want to move.

“Sweetheart, let’s go brush our teeth, yeah?” You groan, and he stifles a laugh. He knows it’s not funny, but you’re being cute, and he can’t help it. You swing your legs over the side of the bed. You feel sweaty, of course you do. You wore full sweats to bed, and had Harry wrapped around you all night. “Did you want to go home to change, or would like another pair of sweats?”

“Your clothes.” You say as you hop out of bed. You make your way to his bathroom. You brush your teeth together. He goes into his dresser to grab you a fresh pair of sweats, and hands them to you so you can change in the bathroom.

When you come out you see a coffee cup for you on his little island, and coconut milk creamer. You smile for the first time since you were on the ice with him. You pour the creamer into the mug and take a small sip.

“Thank you.” You say to him. He smiles at you warmly. “This tastes much better.” He looks down at his watch.

“We better go, love.” You nod, and take one more big sip of coffee.

You’re silent in the car. You aren’t sure what to say. Your boyfriend was driving you to an emergency therapy session. He walks you upstairs in the building, and helps you check in. Your name is called, and he sits there, waiting for you patiently.

“Hi, (y/n), please have a seat.” Dr. Mara says to you with a slight smile. You sit down on her couch. “You look comfy.”

“Thanks, these are my, uh, boyfriend’s clothes.”

“Boyfriend, hm? Well that’s nice. Was he the young man with you in the lobby?”

“Yes.”

“And Niall is still just your friend.”

“Yes, he’s dating Sarah now.”

“How nice for them. I was worried about you when he called. Would you like to tell me what happened?”

“The four of us were on a double date. Me, Harry, Sarah, and Niall. We went ice skating. The season just started, I was so excited to go.”

“You do love double dates.”

“I really do. Harry and I were off, we were kissing, and I noticed Niall and Sarah giving me a funny look. So we skated over to them. Then this woman bumped into me, no big deal, it was starting to get crowded. She apologized, and I was about to say it was fine and then I locked eyes with him.”

“Jake was there?”

“Yes!” You choke back tears, taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table. “I ran out, and threw up in the bathroom. I ran in my sock because I yanked my skates off. Harry found me in the bathroom. I stayed really quiet. The flashbacks came back, it was awful. Harry carried me out of the bathroom, and they brought me back to his place.”

“And the flashbacks, have you had them this morning?”

“No…but I feel shaken up still, you know? I don’t want this to ruin my progress, I’m afraid of regressing.”

“Don’t let a run in take control. You have worked so hard to move on. How long have you and Harry been seeing each other?”

“A little over a month.” You smile. “Niall set us up. He’s amazing, he’s been so patient and understanding.”

“Does he know everything?”

“Yes, I told him pretty early on.”

“And, have you two been intimate?”

“A little bit. I’ve been nervous. Not so much of him using me, I know he wouldn’t do that, but I’m afraid of having a flashback. So we’ve only done oral things, and I haven’t let him use his fingers or anything like that.”

“I see. Not that you need to move fast with him, but do you think if he’s gentle with you, do you think you’ll have the flashbacks?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes when we’re doing stuff, I start to overthink, and then I freak out. I’m comfortable with where we’re at right now. There are other things I’d like to do with him, but I honestly don’t need anything more right now. He’s spoken up about what he needs from me too, and I think he’s content.”

“That’s good. He sounds like a kind man.”

“He is, I still can’t believe how kind. Like, he gave up his Saturday to bring me here and basically take care of me Dr. Mara. I don’t want this ordeal to set us back.”

“Well, you’ve been through something pretty shocking, so it’s okay to keep taking it slow.”

“What if I run into him again? Now that I know he’s around, it could happen again at any moment.”

“Try to not let him control the narrative. Tell yourself that he can’t hurt you ever again. You are safe. You don’t have control of where he is, but you have control of where you are. Don’t let this stop you from ice skating, don’t let this stop you from going to that side of town. You are a strong young woman.”

“Thank you….I panicked. How do I not panic?”

“Well, running was actually a good first step. We all have flight or fight, sometimes running can help ease the anxiety. Are you still working out?”

“Yes, it helps a lot. I go five times a week, and I love it. I didn’t think I would, but it works for me. I’ve found myself, lately, though not liking being alone. But at the same time, I don’t want to be codependent.”

“On Harry?”

“Yeah. He takes really good care of me, but I don’t want to depend on him. He was gone for a whole week, and I found myself not liking sleeping alone. Something I’ve been so fine with and used to.”

“I think that’s normal when you’re starting a new relationship. Don’t think of it as codependent. Think of it as a new partnership. You each give and you each will take. You may find that there will be times you’ll have to take care of him, and be there for him. It’s okay to lean on people. You clearly have a strong connection with him, that’s okay.”

“While he was gone he gave me a key to his place, so I could water his plants. He only has two plants, and he didn’t take very good care of them as it was. I gave the key back when he got home, and I’ve been thinking lately that maybe it was his way of wanting me to just have a key to his place. But it feels so soon doesn’t it?”

“Whose timeline are you on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you think it feels soon? Because other people might say it is? How did you feel while in the possession of the key?”

“I felt trusted. Like he had nothing to hide from me. I have nothing to hide from him. I want him to have a key to my place too. I guess, yeah, I’m afraid of judgement. He asked me to be his girlfriend three weeks in, and Kate flipped. But Kate also has a lot going on, which I can’t even get into right now.”

“You know, I have met people who have moved in together three months into a relationship, and married just three months after that. I’ve also met people who have been dating for three years and still haven’t moved in together. I think whatever progression feels right and natural for you, is the one that matters most. It’s not anyone else’s life, it’s yours. If it feels right for both of you, I think an exchange of keys is perfectly fine.”

After twenty more minutes of talking you feel much better. Your run in does not need to be a setback. You agree to see Dr. Mara again next week to check in. You wondered why you stopped seeing her, she really was good at her job. She never judged you. You see Harry in the waiting room, twiddling his thumbs, and his leg bouncing. You smile at him when he sees you. He stands up and smile back at him.

“Thanks for waiting.”

“Of course, how was it?”

“Good, really good.” You hook an arm around his waist and walk out of the office. “I’m so sorry if I scared you last night.” You say getting into his car.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He places his hand on yours and gives it a squeeze.

“I’m coming back here again next week, just for a check in.”

“That’s good.”

“Harry, I think I’d like to go home for a little while and just collect myself, but if you’re free tonight, I’d love to go to dinner.”

“If that’s what you’d like to do, then that works for me.” He smiles at you.

You take a deep breath when you get into your apartment. You grab a pillow from your couch and scream into it.

“Okay, now I feel better.” You say to yourself.

[oskea93]

Think of You (Part two)

Pairings: Nikki Sixx x OC  Warning: Language 

1981

“You seriously need to come out of that apartment of yours and have some fun.”

I rolled my eyes as I continued to listen to Mac yell at me through the telephone. “I mean don’t you get tired of grading tracings of handprints and making sure your students spelled cat right?” I could tell that she was frustrated. I had promised her that me moving out to California would allow us to hang out more but I was working more than keeping my promise. I let out a sigh, “I know and I’m sorry, Mac.” I apologized. “How about we meet up for breakfast tomorrow morning or something?”

“Breakfast-” She started. “When the hell did you become an 80-year-old woman; People our age don’t have breakfast meetings!” She screamed into the phone. “I will be at your place in 30 minute and your ass better be ready!” Before I could protest, she had already hung up the phone. I placed the phone back on the receiver and looked over at the clock. It was almost 8:30 and I really didn’t want to be out on the streets of LA this late at night. Granted, it wasn’t that late but the I knew the streets would be crowded with club goers and those trying to find a bed to warm for the night.  I’ve only lived in LA for a couple months but I’ve seen things that I thought I would never see growing up in Georgia. The people that roamed the streets and dwelled inside of the clubs looked as if they were forever celebrating Halloween. I won’t even begin to talk about the girls that roamed around the Sunset Strip. I wouldn’t call myself a prude but there was no way I would walk around with my breast and ass on show for all to see. My parents would have a heart attack if they were to see me like that.

I slowly removed myself from the couch and made my way to my bedroom. Mac didn’t bother to tell me where we were going, so I had no idea what I should or shouldn’t wear. I didn’t know if we were going to a fancy restaurant or to a mom-and-pop type place. I didn’t know if I should wear jeans or a nice skirt. Should I wear heels or a pair of tennis shoes? Knowing Mackenzie, she would show up wearing the skimpiest outfit she owns just to eat at small diner.

Mackenzie Charles was the person I trusted the most in life. Ever since the first day of 3rd grade, the two of us have been inseparable. My parents would say that she was a bad influence, especially as we entered high school, but we had each other’s backs no matter what. She was your typical rebellious girl with family problems and I was little miss innocent with the perfect family. She was the tough one who would kick anyone’s ass and I unfortunately would sit back and allow people to walk all over me.  She was the Ying to my Yang and I felt as if we balanced each other out. Hell, she was the reason I moved from rural Georgia to the hedonistic streets of Los Angeles.

I finally decided on spaghetti strapped skater dress, sandals, and my jean jacket. I kept my hair down in waves and kept my makeup light. As I was finishing up, someone started knocking on the front door. I already knew it was Mac and she was right on the dot. I quickly gathered my keys and bag before shutting everything off. I opened the door and saw that I was right regarding Mac’s outfit of choose. “Are you ready?” She questioned. I just nodded my head as I closed the apartment door. “Where exactly are we going? I asked as we walked to the awaiting cab. There were many quirky things about Mackenzie Charles and one of those quirks was that she refused to own a car. I don’t exactly know why but she flat-out refused and took a cab everywhere she needed to go.

She gave me a mischievous smirk as she entered the cab, “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” I should have known. We were probably on our way to some seedy club that she loved to go to. I for one was not up to partying tonight or ever for that matter. I could still be in my pajamas right now instead of on my way to some random place in a smelly cab. I let out a sigh as the car started moving. “Come on now-” Mac beamed. “It’ll be fun!” I just rolled my eyes as I watched the Los Angeles scenery pass by. Mac and I’s definition of fun was very skewed. My definition of fun was a nice walk through the park or even seeing a funny movie. Mackenzie’s definition involved drinking and possibly spending the night with a random soul, male or female. I should have never answered the telephone….

“It’s way too loud in here!” I screamed into Mac’s ear.

She had her focus on the band that was playing in front of us, if you even want to call it that.  I knew from the moment that we arrived at the club that I was not going to enjoy myself. There were tons of people waiting in line to get in, mostly girls dressed similar to Mac. They of course looked at me like I had walked out of the Little House on the Prairie. It took us 20 minutes to get into the venue and somehow Mac pushed us to the front of the stage. The band came out seconds later dressed in outfits that men should never wear. They wore tight leather pants, high heeled boots, and the height of their hair was outrageous. I was ready to leave as soon as the music started to play.

I tugged on Mac’s jacket, “I’m ready to get out of here.” I yelled in her direction once again. She just gave me a disappointed look and shook her head. I looked back towards the band and rolled my eyes. I finally took matters into my own hands and decided to leave. I didn’t even bother to let Mac know that I was leaving, it’s not like she would have followed me. I struggled to get through the wall of people, finally making it to the back exit. I quickly left the building, passing by those that were still in line. A rush of guilt immediately raced through my body as I made my way further down the street. I had left Mackenzie there all by herself, what if something happens to her? What if she’s kidnapped on her way home? There was no way I could forgive myself if she were to be hurt or even worse.

I regretfully decided to turn back towards the club. I didn’t feel like waiting in the line again, so I decided to just walk up to the bouncer at the door. I noticed a guy around my age speaking with the bouncer. He looked just as out of place as I did. I’m sure he would be the only person in the club with a yellow and blue stripped polo shirt on. I watched as he struggled to convince the bouncer to let him in. I don’t know what took over me but I made my way up to the pair, “He’s with me.” I showed the bouncer the stamp on my hand. The burly guard looked down at me and then to the skinny man. I don’t think he truly bought it but he just shrugged him shoulders and allowed us both to enter. “Wow-“ The guy started to speak. “Thanks a lot.” He was kind of cute in a nerdy way. “I could have been out there all night.” I just nodded my head and slowly made my way to the sound of the music. The guy that I had helped get in was still by my side as he watched the band on stage. “They’re great, aren’t they?” He exclaimed. I didn’t reply as I tried my best to locate Mac. I knew she was still here. There was no way she would leave a concert with the band still playing.  “I’m Tom Zutaut.” I looked over at the man and saw that he was now looking in my direction. “I just got promoted by Elektra Records.” I gave him a small smile and introduced myself as well. “Caroline Daniels.” He shook my hand and smiled.

“WE’RE MOTLEY CRUE; THANK YOU!”

“Oh my gosh, that lead singer was something else, wasn’t he?” Mac had been going on and on about the band since I found her. She didn’t even realize I had left until the show was over. “Those guys were amazing; we have to see them again.” I remained silent. There was no way I would be going anywhere near that scene ever again. That was a one-time thing and that’s all I could handle. “Let’s get some dinner; I’m starving.” I changed the subject. Mac agreed and we made our way to a small restaurant that Mac recommended. There seemed to be a bit of a crowd hanging around outside but I chose to ignore it and entered the establishment. Mac and I were seated and quickly ordered our drinks.

“I have to use the restroom.” I stated. Mac nodded her head as I removed myself from the booth. I made my way to the bathroom and quickly did my business. As I was walking back to the booth, I noticed a dark headed man talking to Mac. I couldn’t help give him a once over. He was wearing tight, dark jeans, a ratty t-shirt, and a leather jacket. His hair was long and curly, and he was very tall. I quietly slipped back into my place inside of the booth, Mac and the mystery guy noticing that I was back. “Caroline, this is Tommy.” Mac introduced us. “He’s the drummer for the band we just seen.”

I accepted his handshake, “Nice to meet you.” I smiled.

“Yeah, you too.” He smiled back. “I’m glad you guys enjoyed the show; It really means a lot to us.” He beamed. I glanced over at Mac and saw she was basically drooling over this guy. I brought my attention back to my menu as Tommy and Mac continued to talk. I couldn’t help but feel like a third wheel at this point. Maybe I should have just gone home. “Yo, T-Bone!”

The man’s attention immediately turned to the source of the voice. “Bro-” Tommy waved. “Over here!” I tried to see who he was speaking to but the person moved to fast before I could tell. Within a second, another man showed up at our table. My eyes instantly connected with his, causing him to smile. “What’s going on?” The man asked Tommy as they high-fived. I noticed Mac sat a little straighter, causing her breast to stick out a little more. Typical Mac.

“This is Mac and her friend, Caroline. They were at the gig tonight.” The nameless man continued to stare at me, causing me to become very uncomfortable. “Girls, this is Nikki Sixx. He’s the founder and bass player for Motley Crue.” Mac stuck her hand out for him to shake, which he did of course. “You guys mind if we join you?” The Nikki guy spoke. Before I could voice my opinion, Mac quickly replied with a yes. She moved over so Tommy could sit next to her, leaving Nikki to sit next to me.

“So-“ Nikki began. He was seated a little too close for comfort. “You not enjoy the show?” My head snapped in his direction. “Excuse me?” I asked. He let out a laugh as he turned his body towards mine and placed his arm around the back of the booth. “I saw you walk out.” I looked over at Mac and Tommy to see if they were paying attention to us, but they were too wrapped up in each other. I turned my attention back to Nikki. “It wasn’t really my scene and I was getting a headache.” I answered honestly. The smile that was spread across his face was still present as he glared at me. I couldn’t help but stare back. He wasn’t ugly but yet he wasn’t the type of guy I go for. The two guys that I’ve been with were clean cut and wore Wrangler Jeans instead of leather and chains. I couldn’t help but look him over as well. His hair was raven black and sitting high on his head. His hazel eyes were full of life and had hints of leftover makeup from their show. His jawline was to die for and his skin was flawless. He wasn’t stick thin like his friend but had a bit of muscle on him. He wasn’t bad looking but I knew he was bad for me.

“So-“ His voice snapped me out of my staring. “What is your scene?”

I took a drink of my Pepsi seeing as my throat was suddenly dry. He was watching my every move, making me squirm in my seat. “Uh-“ I stuttered. “I like Country and Top 40.” I replied. He nodded his head. “A lot of people seemed to have enjoyed your show though.” I tried to save myself. “You seem to have a lot of fans.”

“You’re not a fan though.” I was taken back by his statement. Why did it matter if I was a fan of their band or not?

He scooted his body even closer to mine. “You wanna go back to my place?”

I could feel my eyes go wide as his question whirled around in my mind. What kind of girl did he think I was? Just because he was in a so-called “rock and roll” band doesn’t mean that I would automatically jump into bed with him. I let out a disgusted huff and started to gather my things. “You gonna answer me?” Nikki spoke again. I quickly turned my head, my eyes connecting with his once again. “I don’t even know you.” I began. “What makes you think I would go anywhere with you?” He looked a little taken back by my comment. I knew that it sounded super bitchy and I usually wasn’t that type of person, but he really pissed me off!

“Woah.” I looked over at the Tommy guy, who was seated next to Mac. “I never heard anyone turn him down before.” He whispered. Mac was looking at me like I was crazy but she was the one who was out of her mine. All three of them were, especially Nikki. “I’m ready to go home.” I told Mac. Her face switched from shocked to annoyed. “Come on now.” Nikki spoke up. “There’s no need to cock block my friend just because you’re being a fucking prude!” My mouth dropped in shock. How dare he talk to me like that. “Let’em have some fun; God knows you’re not going to.” He swallowed down the rest of his drink.

I was seething at this point. “Fuck you!” I yelled in his face. Without hesitation, I pushed his body out of the booth, watching him land hard on the floor. I quickly removed myself from the booth and marched out of the restaurant. I didn’t even care if Mac came after me, I just needed to get away from that arrogant asshole.

@triplehaitches @sighsophiia

[tsukkeilate]

something gold, something shiny

Summary : Ushijima isn’t your typical romantic guy. He’s pretty sure romance hates him. Though his failed romancing efforts are always appreciated by his boyfriend Hinata. Today though, he won’t let romance beat him.

(A/N : AU wherein some plot of the anime are tweaked slightly to accomodate the story. Enjoy!)

Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, Ushijima nonchalantly asked his boyfriend if he has any plans on Saturday. Hinata answered he doesn’t which made Ushijima inwardly sighed in relief. 

“Let’s go on a date.” He said bluntly, amusing the other male. 

“Sure. It’s been awhile since we went on one.” Hinata replied brightly. He likes how blunt Ushijima is when it comes to romance. He remembered how the stoic man tried to be romantic in the first few months of their relationship and mentally shuddered at the memories. Not that he didn’t appreciate his boyfriend’s previous efforts on becoming romantic like those guys in the movie, but whenever his boyfriend tried something romantic, something bad would happen along the way. 

(In all honesty, he likes Ushijima blunt and straight to the point like he usually is. Hinata finds it very endearing.) 

“Any place you want to go to in particular?” Ushijima asked. 

“Not really. I’m fine with any place as long as I’m with you.” Hinata replied, looking up at the older male with a fond smile on his face. Despite being his words, Hinata couldn’t help at the slight warming of his cheeks, given on how cheesy it is. 

Though Ushijima’s face remained stoic, you could see the bright sparkles in his eyes, all directed to his beloved looking up at him. Hinata thought how worth it the statement was, inspite the cheesiness, because he get to see the stars in Ushijima’s eyes. Perhaps if he look hard enough, he would see the different constellations he used to find when he was a child. 

“I’ll pick you up at six.” Ushijima said simply. Hinata frowned.

“Toshiiii~ where are we going?” Hinata asked, pouting. 

Ushijima just smirked and bent down to press his lips against Hinata’s forehead.

“You’ll know soon.” Ushijima replied. Hinata huffed and petulantly crossed his arms. 

“Fine. Be like that. But you owe me cuddles for this one, Toshi and I wanted them now!” Hinata said sulkily. 

“So demanding Shoyo.” Ushijima teased but nonetheless he scooped up Hinata and brought them to the living room, so they could cuddle while watching the recorded episodes of Kitchen NIghtmares which Hinata absolutely adores.

Saturday rolled around before Ushijima knew it. 

Actually no, he had been counting down the days until Saturday,making sure that everything was in order. He knows that he isn’t one of the most romantic person in the planet, that he should probably stop before something bad happen or he set something on fire but he really wanted to surprise Hinata this time. Just once, he wanted to show the younger male how much he means to him. He never really get to show him because of the disastrous attempts he did back then to show it but this time, it’ll be different. This time, he’ll do it properly for Hinata to see. 

“Toshi!” Hinata greeted him when he opened the door to their shared apartment, smiling brightly. 

“Shoyo. You look nice.” Ushijima complimented him, his eyes raking up and down Hinata’s lithe figure appreciatively. 

There’s nothing remarkable about Hinata’s clothing, just plain black v neck sweater paired with ochre khaki pants, mustard yellow belt dangling slightly underneath the sweater, and black leather boots. It’s just that it really suits him.

“Thank you. You don’t look bad yourself.” Hinata grinned, appreciating the black skinny jeans and purple dress shirt that’s a little bit tight on Ushijima on accentuating the figure of a god underneath those pristine clothes. 

“Are you ready?” Ushijima asked, holding out a hand. Hinata took it,smiling excitedly.

“I was born ready. Lead the way Toshi.” 

“T-Toshiii!” Hinata yelped, clinging onto Ushijima’s shirt tightly for his dear life as he wobbled on his legs trying to balance itself on the ice. 

“Try bending your knees a bit.” Ushijima instructed him, who was standing perfectly still on the ice rink. 

Ushijima led them to the ice rink that was near their old universities, pleasantly surprising Hinata who had been wanting to try and skate once again on ice. Ushijima counts this as a success on going on his head when he saw the delighted look on the younger’s face as they were putting their blades on. 

“Now, try letting me go.” Ushijima told him, when Hinata gained some balance after following Ushijima’s instruction. 

“I’m going to fall.” Hinata said fearfully, not letting go of his iron grip on Ushijima’s shirt. 

“I’ll catch you if you fall Shoyo. Don’t be afraid.” Ushijima said, placing his hands gently over Hinata’s. 

“Okay.” Hinata said as he sucked a breath in and slowly letting go of Ushijima’s shirt. 

“You’re doing great.” Ushijima remarked after Hinata had fully let go of his shirt and start standing on ice without any support from him. Hinata beamed at him. Ushijima felt his stomach churn and his heart flutter. 

“Let’s go skating together, Toshi!” Hinata said, reaching out to hold Ushijima’s hand in which the other gladly let him do. 

The pair went skating around the large ice rink and at some point, Hinata convinced his boyfriend to do something flashy akin to those skaters they see in the telly. Ushijima decided to unleash his not so hidden talent in ice skating, doing simple loops and spins that made Hinata’s eyes sparkle in joy as he clapped enthusiastically. 

“You should have pursed figure skating Toshi, You were great!” Hinata told him and if thy weren’t on the ice rink wearing skating shoes he would have jumped up and down from where he was standing. 

“If I did, I wouldn’t have met you.” Ushijima said, pressing his forehead against Hinata, “I would have been miserable.” 

“Psh, you flatterer.” Hinata playfully pushed him away although his cheeks were flaming red. Ushijima was pleased. “come on, we still have ten minutes before the lady over there call us out.” 

Ushijima hummed, entwining their fingers together as he did so. They spent the last ten minutes trying those funny skating vines Tendou showed them before though they almost fell on the rink trying to slide while doing a split. The lady monitoring the ice rink was not impressed and if it weren’t the part where they checked out on time, she would have given them reprimanding. 

After ice skating, Ushijima led them to the nearby crepe stand that Hinata dubbed as ‘the best tasting sugary death a broke college student could ever ask for’ when they were in college. True to his word, he kept on dragging Ushijima and some of their friends to the stand acting like some sort of unofficial advertiser. 

“Hinata-kun!” The crepe maker’s face light up once he saw his old patron’s face, “it’s nice to see you today.” 

“You too Oji-san!” Hinata exclaimed fondly, “I’m surprised you’re still managing this, after all these years.” 

“Are you saying I just retire?” The crepe maker teased, “if I did the Little Giant special would be gone forever.”

“Oh no, what should I do?” Hinata clutched his heart dramatically. “Please never retire Oji-san!” 

The crepe maker laughed, ruffling Hinata’s messy hair. Hinata yelped and pouted, earning another round of fond laughter from the crepe maker.

“Ushijima-kun, hello.” The crepe maker greeted Ushijima, when he noticed the older male watching the two banter with a discreet smile on his face. 

“Oji-san, hello.” Ushijima greeted back, bowing his head politely, “how have you been?” 

“I’ve been well, thanks for asking.” He said, smiling. “Ah, this feels nostalgic. I remember you two going over here almost every day. I’m surprised you manage to stay with a loud guy like Hinata-kun.”

“Oji-san what’s that supposed to mean?” Hinata whined, “I’m a great guy. Right Toshi?” Hinata turned to Ushijima, who just nodded in affirmation. “See?” He said smugly. 

“Right you are.” The crepe maker humored him, chuckling, “since the both of you visited me again, how about I make you my recent special? I call it Sweet and Nice.” 

“Oh that sounds interesting. We’ll have that please!” Hinata agreed. 

“Alright, it’ll be ready in a few minutes.” The crepe maker said and got to work. 

The two watched the crepe maker as he expertly made the wrapped and put the ingredients inside before wrapping everything up and drizzling it with chocolate and vanilla sauce on top then putting the whipped cream afterwards. 

“Here you go.” The crepe maker handed them the food just as Ushijima handed him the money. 

Hinata took the first bite, his eyes widening as he devoured the remaining crepe rapidly. 

“This is so uwaah and gyaa and it makes your mouth swish woosh and boom!” Hinata exclaimed.

“And there’s our Hinata and his sound effects.” The crepe maker remarked, amused. Ushijima chuckled lightly.

“Hinata’s lucky to have someone like you.” The crepe maker said out of nowhere, “I could tell that he’s happy. Even more so when you’re with him. Thank you, Ushijima-kun.” 

“No, I’m the one that’s lucky.” Ushijima said, taking a bite of his food. Hinata was right, the crepe was delicious. 

“Please take care of him, Ushijima-kun. Like you always do.” The crepe maker said, smiling. 

“I intend to.” Ushijima said. “For the rest of our lives.”

“Oh?” The crepe maker’s eyes twinkled mischievously, “you’re such a sly child, Ushijima-kun.” 

“Oji-san! One more please!” Hinata said, apparently not hearing the conversation between Ushijima and the crepe maker as he was engrossed with the food he was eating.

“Coming right up!” The crepe maker replied, patting Ushijima’s shoulder and muttering goodluck before going back to work. 

“Oh wait. We’re going to Karasuno?” Hinata asked, when he saw his former high school in the distance. “Why? Is there a homecoming I forgot to go to?”

“You’ll see.” Ushijima replied vaguely. 

Hinata frowned, what’s Ushijima up to? 

When the two arrived at the school grounds, Ushijima immediately made a beeline to the Karasuno’s gym and Hinata just trailed behind him, completely clueless. Though he looked suspicious when he saw Ushijima opening the gym with keys.

“Toshi what’s happening?” Hinata asked again. 

“Almost there. Don’t worry Shoyo.” Ushijima replied. 

They entered the empty gym, turned the lights on and Hinata felt the surge of nostalgia overcoming his suspiciousness. He walked around the gym, fond gaze and smile on his lips as he reminisced a lot of memories he had when he was still in high school. He met the best people in his life in the short span of 3 years, as well as the special someone that he has right now. 

“Shoyo.” Ushijima called him out, snapping him out of reverie. 

Hinata turned around and saw Ushijima standing in the middle of the gym, a soft smile on his face. Hinata’s heart pounded faster as he walked towards to the person whom he always considered as home for the past ten years. Going here makes him feel soft and wistful, almost as if he wanted to go back in time and spend his life as a highschooler again. 

“Do you remember Shoyo? The first time we met? It was here in the gym. Our coach made us do a practice game with your team.” Ushijima said, holding Hinata’s both hands gently. “I never thought it will be the day I’ll meet you.” 

“Damn Toshi, you’re so sappy today.” Hinata teased, though his cheeks are flushed. “Of course I remember. How can I forget? You were glaring at me and telling me I’m weak.” He chuckled. “I was ranting about you to Kageyama for days.” 

“And Tendou wouldn’t stop talking on how high you jump for a small guy.”Ushijima said, his soft smile becoming endeared. 

“Everybody’s surprised with that.” Hinata grinned, his eyes crinkling in pride. 

“It was amazing. Just like you.” Ushijima said, staring at Hinata’s eyes. 

“Gods, stop that. You’re embarrassing me.” Hinata groaned, trying to hide his face but failed. He looked like a hybrid between ripe tomato and strawberry. 

“It’s the truth. That’s why.” Ushijima let go of Hinata’s hands to kneel of the floor and bring out the small black box, opening it to reveal a simple gold ring inside it, “Hinata Shoyo, will you give me the honor of staying by your side forever?”

“Oh my gods.” Hinata gasped, eyes widening in shock. His eyes started to water and his hands are shaking. 

“Yes.” He whispered, “Yes Toshi I will marry you.” He said, tears flowing down his cheeks. Ushijima smiled that smile reserved only for Hinata to see as he slips the ring onto Hinata’s right ring finger. 

Just after he did so Hinata tackled him on the floor, full on sobbing and crying. He was saying gibberish that Ushijima doesn’t understand (despite being together for ten years), hitting Ushijima’s chest softly. 

“FINALLY THEY DID IT!” 

The two turned to look at gym’s doors, seeing the old members of Karasuno Volleyball team there. Some were snapping photos and videos. They immediately came up to the couple, giving their congratulations to the newly engaged couple. 

“Congrats on getting engaged Hinata!” Nishinoya yelled, giving him a thumbs up. 

“After ten years. You guys took so long.” Kageyama remarked, but he’s happy for his best friend. 

“You’re in no position to talk, King. It took you 10 and a half to propose to the Grand King and even then, he beat you to it.” Tsukishima said, sneering. 

“Shut up!” Kageyama glared at him.

“Now, now let’s not fight okay? This is supposed to be Hinata’s surprise party.” Suga said lightheartedly. 

“WE BROUGHT THE GOODS! IT’S TIME TO PARTY!” Tanaka yelled, holding up the medium sized cooler he brought along with Daichi and Asahi.

He was met with energetic yell from Nishinoya and the others wasted no time in preparing everything for the surprise party they have for Hinata. Hinata looked at them fondly before joining in to help, the ring weighing down his fingers as he envisioned the future he’ll have with the person he loves the most. 

(A/N : crappy ending but I hope the title didn’t give it away. Also, I’m sorta back yay!

Also, sorry for any grammatical mistakes. I was sleep deprived when I was writing most of the parts of this fic) 

[itsanoneg-blog]

You’ve been running through my dreams & it’s driving me crazy

I went to Elementary School with literally all Italians. Most of them came to my Highschool as well. Everyone in Highschool would always say, “Wow the V.J.M boys are the hottest guys ever.” And I just couldn’t see it. Maybe because I grew up with them, and we were all like family. What ever it was, they were just the typical Italian guys and every girl in Highschool drooled over them. Girls always came up to me and asked me to talk to the guys for them because we were close. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. Maybe that’s why I had like 3 friends that were girls. While girls were trying so hard to chase after these “perfect Italian models”, with amazing bodies, and really good fashion, I was starring at the quiet nerd in class. The guy with the nerdy glasses, skater shoes, and a hoodie over his uniform. I was never in to Italian guys because most of them were too “perfect” looking for me.

Now all this leads me into the guy I met yesterday, Marco. I don’t even know where to begin. He picked me up at my house, and it was super awkward. I told my parents that one of Carlos’ friends was picking me up, because I didn’t want them questioning me on who this guy was. My parents were starring out the front window, which I thought was fine because Marco has tinted windows on his car. As I got out of my house, he came out of his car. Ugh! Why? Get back the fuck inside your car please. I played it off like I knew him well. I gave him a big friendly hug, so my parents wouldn’t ask questions, which they didn’t. He then opened the car door for me, honestly, I felt like I was V.I.P at this point.

We ended up going to get Pho, and then decided on what to do afterwards because it was only 7:30. We were going to play pool but the closest place in Vaughan was a sketch hole. He asked me if I wanted Starbucks, so I figured we were going to go in and talk more. Wrong! We went through the drive thru, and he didn’t even get anything. And he paid for me even though I had a free reward. I was going to punch him. Like he just paid for dinner too, and now my $6 Starbucks drink. We ended up going back to his place to watch a movie. His friends were coming a little later on, which I was thankful for. But they ended up coming around 11pm when he was driving me home. So, we were kind of alone for most of the time. But I felt comfortable. He didn’t make a move, thankfully. And for some reason I was myself around him. Cracking jokes, being weird, making loud noises.

He showed me around his condo, and damn it’s so nice. It’s newly built, still under renovations actually but his place is really nice. Kitchen is grey, has a nice view of Wilson which is ghetto, but it looked nice with all the lights at night time. My grandparents live in that area, I practically grew up around there, not to fond of it, but this was a nice place to say the least. We started watching a scary movie and he kept texting someone. I really didn’t care, but he never texts, so I was like who ever this is has to be important. It was. It was his sister messaging him all night. They have such a close relationship it’s odd but cute. Right after he stopped messaging her, there was a knock on the door. It scared me because I had no idea who it could be. It was his sister. In my head I am like where the fuck did she come from. They’re from Richmond Hill and I assumed she still lived there. Wrong! She lives a floor above him in her own place. She came down to “borrow dish soap”. Liars. Right as he was about to close the door, her head pops through. “OMG Marco, she’s gorgeous. Hey, I’m Nicole, I’m his big sister.” I was so confused. She came in and gave me a hug. Acted like we were best friends, it was… different.

Anyways, I had a good time. He really is a sweet guy. He drove me home and I didn’t have my key, so he waited with me until my brother came home, which was in another half hour. We decided to go get some gas but when we got to the gas station he realized he didn’t have his wallet. I offered to pay, even if it was just 10$ worth but he refused. He told me to shut up, that he can get home with this much gas. I was going to punch him once again, actually I did. It won’t hurt to let me pay for one thing. I felt bad!

But yeah, he really is a sweet heart. Honestly one of the nicest guys I’ve met in a long time. That is the one thing I have always liked about Italian guys though. They really do know how to treat women. Their relationship with their mom is always the best. Maybe that’s why him and his sister are so close. He’s such a nerd, super smart and has a really great job. Not going to lie, I think he has a lot of money. I mean he owns his own condo in Toronto for starters. But aside from that, he is a fun guy. He made me listen to my music in the car, and although he prefers rap and R&B, he also is open to any type of music which is great. One thing that I thought would bother me was that he smokes. But he actually quit a couple months ago, which is good. Never been fond of smokers. And now the looks. He is attractive, but he is NOT my type at all. Typical Italian, hands down. All his clothes are from Italy and you can really tell. The shoes, the belt, the jacket he was wearing was all super expensive. I’m not really in to that. His hair… Well it’s longer than his photos. He looks better with short hair. It’s slicked back, curly and just past his ears. Not my thing. He wears super nerdy glasses, which are cute, not going to lie. He was dressed very nice actually. And then when he drove me home, he quickly changed. I was stunned. Completely different guy. He wore a grey beanie, skinny jeans, a hoodie and had cute Puma shoes on. Italians and their God Damn Puma’s. He looked really good.

---

Anyways, I just want to be friends with him and I should probably tell him because he did tell me he wanted to kiss me last night, but he has a cold, so he didn’t. (Thank God) I am very picky with guys. I know in the past I have been with guys who weren’t my type, but I am sorry they have to be MY type. It sounds bad because looks, and style aren’t everything, but they have to be slightly what I look for in a guy.

Carlos! He is just pure perfection. He’s all I kept thinking of last night. I just wanted to leave and be snuggled up against him instead. Everything about him is all I have ever wanted in a guy. His personality, his style, his taste in music, his looks, his eyes. He doesn’t look perfect, he looks dirty at times, and looks like a cute bum, and I find that extremely attractive. I am more attracted to the grungy type of guy who works as a mechanic, or in a shop, rather than the model type with killer abs. I’d take my dirty looking little skater, Argentina nerd over any one, any day. I just wish he would talk to me more during the week. He’s always so busy in his shop. He posts Snapchat stories of what he’s working on and I just want to go over and watch him work. Sounds super creepy but fuck seeing him twice a week and having to wait all week to see him kills me. I just want to be with him so bad. I want to know that he wants me because once I know I can stop worrying. I am still shy around him and I hate it. I just want to open up more, and show him more dorky, funny, weird side. But I am shy and insecure because he really is perfect.